R.I.P Private Bill....And Lieutenant "Bill's Teeth"

A sad evening tonight at 2-Sox Towers. A brave soldier, Bill, was bade farewell with a guard of honour of fellow toy soldiers, close to the place that he met his maker.


The place that he met his maker was the toilet. During a routine water gun firing exercise, Private Bill toppled from his lofty perch atop the cistern, and landed on a raft of floating bog roll. Rescue attempts were made with a bent kitchen skewer, but unfortunately Bill slipped from the grasp of safety, and with a sad bubble of air slipped down the pan. And was flushed.


Hence the impromptu guard of honour of fellow toy soldiers along the edge of the tub, come bath time. The Commanding Officer (that's me) made a passionate, yet touching, speech about Private Bill's life and deeds. Of most surprise was the revelation that Private Bill's teeth had pursued a much more successful military career than their owner, reaching the rank of Lieutenant. Lt Bill's Teeth won the Distinguished Bravery Cross for a string of exceptional actions, including chewing their way out of a Nazi POW camp, chewing their way through the hulls of three U-Boats as part of a commando raid, and unsuccessfully attempting to chew the head off Adolf Hitler (they escaped through the Berlin sewers disguised as one of Herman Goerring;s number two's). They were also pictured escorting Vera Lynn to a performance of Ooops Vicar, How's Yer Trousers in London's West End in 1943, although Bill's Teeth denied any relationship.

Private Bill, and Lieutenant Bill's Teeth, will be sadly missed. As C.O. I had to reprimand the rank and file several times for laughing during the valediction (Sam kept bursting out laughing). As a tribute, Sam asked if he could don his Dad's old RAF Sergeants' Mess mess dress, which of course he was allowed to do. And below you can see the comparison.