Our Edinburgh day was as enjoyable as ever. After last year's referendum on independence we decided to go DEEP undercover and blend in like locals. Och aye. Etc.
Driving into town the rain was torrential, and we expected to have to deploy ponchos all day. But fabulously it stopped the moment we turned the engine off. Not religious, but it was well worth us sacrificing that goat at dawn as an offering to the weather gods.
And we have the best Edinburgh travel tip you will ever hear. Don't drive into the city and pay a small fortune for parking. Make your way to Belgrave Road, off Corstophine Road, which is miraculously both free of any parking restrictions and almost deserted and park there instead. Then simply hop onto one of the incredibly frequent buses into the centre, which costs £1,10 for an adult and £0.70 for children. Numbers 12, 26 or 31 are what you're looking for.
Our plan was to watch some of the street performers during the day and then the Military Tattoo in the evening. With frequent food and ice cream stops, obvs. We discovered how the performers are chosen for each spot. They have to register at the start of the festival then turn up every morning for the drawing of random lots, allocating them locations and times. These are transcribed onto the boards you see here, which are displayed at each pitch.
Sam was completely thrilled to spot a familiar name at 6pm - The Mighty Gareth! We first encountered this nutter in 2011 and Sam was given a cool signed photo which he still cherishes. But that was later, for the time being we settled down to watch....
....Flexy Lexy! A contortionist with a terrible line in patter but an awesome bum!
We stayed put in the hope that Rugg Tomcat would be better - and he was! His act was humourous and drew a large crowd. This was probably due to one thing and one thing only.....
....my Edinburgh Fringe debut! Man, I absolutely wowed that crowd and had them rocking in the aisles. As you can see from this photo, I stole the show and the performer hid his face in shame.
My task was to wield an Incredibly Enormous Flaming Torch Of Death! Man, that flame must have been knocking on 5 inches high, lethal in the wrong hands. And I look way more iconic than the Statue Of Liberty eh? It was a lot of fun taking part, and of course Rugg Tomcat seriously took the mickey out of his helpers. I think I may volunteer for a couple more next year....
Figo was up next and I was disappointed that it wasn't Luis Figo, the legendary Portugal twinkle-toed footballer. No it was some Scot with a rubber glove on his head. Nobody batted an eyelid, you see people dressed bizarrely around every corner during the Festival.
More impressive than the rubber glove was laying on a bed of nails and having two people stand on him. Kudos!
Meet "Akira", all the way from Japan. Allegedly. He was touted as a fusion of art, dance and DJ-ing. Didn't strike Sam and Dad quite like that, but he was entertaining in his own unique way. He "danced" while using a craft knife to carve bits out of a sheet of paper which was pinned over another piece of paper. He then sprayed the whole lot with a variety of bright coloured spray cans......
....and produced this beauty! A piper in the foreground and an Edinburgh street to the rear. He was talented, bonkers, but also mesmerising and entertaining. We gave him £1.50.
After yet more food we made our way up Cockburn Street - and we make a point of using this street just because of the name - to the Royal Mile. This is Fringe Central! More freaks and weirdoes per square yard than anywhere else in the world. So many performers from so many shows, all trying to grab your attention and rouse your interest. And give you one of their flyers....
Flyers. We were handed a couple of dozen within five minutes. And then Sam hit upon his amazing new game. He was going to re-hand out the flyers, especially to the very people who gave him theirs in the first place.
Well what a great game this turned out to be. It's so easy to do because people on the Royal Mile are programmed to accept anything they are given. We spent over an hour walking up one side of the road collecting flyers, then back down the opposite side handing them out again. I know, very childish. But great fun.
We will deffo be returning to this game next year, so watch out if you see two badly dressed jakeys flyering and laughing at the same time....
Sam particularly enjoyed giving out flyers for shows that are WAAAAY beyond his age range. Burlesque, nudity, sexual scenes. He wet himself at the reaction of people when they glanced at the flyer, looked back at him, totally confused. Brilliant!
Of course it didn't work every time. Better luck next time dude....incidentally, the bloke on the right of this pic was a magician giving out flyers for his show, and he REALLY resented Sam queering his pitch! Which, of course, made things even funnier.
Another top Edinburgh tip for you now. If you have tickets for the Military Tattoo don't join the queues on Johnstone Terrace at half past seven. Do something else instead and turn up at the Castle Esplanade about twenty minutes before the performance begins - straight in!
The Tattoo was brilliantly performed as always. The setting just could not be better, and the skirl and rattle of the massed pipes and drums makes even my sassenach emotions go into overdrive.
This year was significantly less "military" though, which is a real shame. We will give it another chance of course. And yet again, the show was over all too quickly. Goodbye Edinburgh, until next summer!
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